We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize