I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
