we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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