Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
