I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
