well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
