I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
