She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
