You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
