hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
