I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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