I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
