I think i sorta joined a cult last night
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
