just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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