i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
