tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
