I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
