i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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