i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
