plz talk dirty to me
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
