Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
