Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
