just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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