He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
