So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
