so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
