He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
