i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
