I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
