and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So much rum. So many feels.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
