she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
