It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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