i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
