are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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