I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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