im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize