My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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