Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize