rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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