I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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