Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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