Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
This is classic penis vs brain.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
