you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
