They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
