I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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