We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
