party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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