He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
