Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
