i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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