Its about making memories worth repressing
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize