i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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