u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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