I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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