Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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