I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
