Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
