goodnight i made you a song goodbye
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
