is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
