And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
