P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
3pm strippers are depressing
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
