3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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