If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
