The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize