did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
