how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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