can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize