It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
