You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
