Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
