He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
