ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the condom got lost in my hair
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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