Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
